Those that know me would generally agree that I'm usually quite an upbeat bubbly person.. I like to think I am, it's what I want to be. but now I'm lost, confused. Lost, because I don't know where I'm heading, I have lost my direction. I haven't been hanging put with my friends and I'm so unsure about my future withthem. I don't want to lose my friends, they mean a lot to me and I need them. With some, I know they'll always be here. With others, it's so rusty. Almost like they don't notice my lack of presence, it doesn't mean anything to them that I'm gone. When they go out, and I see photos, I really do feel so left out. I thought I was part of that group. What's to happen in the future? I've been hanging out with work mates, only cos I work 7 days a week anyways. R has been here for me a lot. I feel like he really understands me, supportive, no matter what I do. So I spend lots of time with him, cos I feel like my presence matters to him. Where's my life heading?
Confused, cos of obvious reasons. I'll admit, despite how much I'll be hated for it, I am falling for R. He cares for me so much. And at times like this, it means so much to me. I'm really touched, when I'm with him, I feel like I know what I'm doing, my future isn't a blurr. But I'm not always with him, and when I'm not, reality hits. I have noone, my uni friends are pretty much gone and seeing photos of K.. That's the confusing part. How is he doing? Has he moved on? Is he happy? If my lack of presence is beneficial to him, then I'm happy with that.
What should I do with R? I can see a future with him.. but I don't know if it's time to move On yet.. I don't do rebounds..
Malaysia trip.. So soon yet so unsure.. As it gets closer, I get more doubtful of whether I should go.. I originally wanted to go cos a holiday with friends sounded so amazing.. But it's different now isn't it.. Am I a friend? Or will I be seen as using them? I don't want that. Not much of a holiday if everyone doubts my intentions. I feel so stranger to them, how did it get this way? More importantly, what do I do from here?
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