end?

University is nearing end for me. In fact, in 25 mins i'll be walking into my last lecture of my bachelor degree. It is quite sad, considering there isn't much guaranteed for my post grad plans yet, so this could actually be the last of my academic life! (though i hope not)

Many people graduate from university with a bunch of friends, a hell lot of fun memories and knowledge gained too of course. I feel like all i have to take away is the knowledge. I haven't made one single friend i have kept, nor do i remember much of uni life these past three years. I spent the past two years at least trying all my hardest to not make any impressions. i wanted to do my classes and get out of here. That's worked me fine, i'm able to get good grades that way, and never have any distractions. I guess i'm fine with the way i decided to go through uni, but at the end.. well i don't have much to show for the past three years, except a piece of paper.

other than the social side, i really will miss studying. researching, reading, writing up papers, it's all really rubbed off on me. so much so, i'm considering being an academic some time in the future. getting paid to do research is my dream (particularly if its good pay!). however for now, i must consider what to do next year. applying for post grad is all so confronting.. i've been putting off the application because i'm way scared that i won't be accepted. What will i do then?

in fact, what do i do with life? these past three years, i've always been waiting for the epiphany that i will know what i want to do. while i have some sort of idea, i feel like i haven't gotten what i came here for yet. if i enter the real working world next year, well i can i'm definitely not feeling ready for that.

I'm only 21.. I'm not ready to embark of real life yet.. i want to continue hiding in this mushroom called university..